by Fred Moleck

When I Was a Lad

Last week I complained and moaned about being kept captive by the airlines and the weather gods on my way to go and on my way back from the Grand Rapids NPM convention.

I was there I received the Musician of the Year award from the enlightened leadership of the organization. What a happy time.

At such award ceremonies the recipient is expected to say profound and interesting things.

Rather than that, I opted to tell them about my whole life.

I left out the parts of being born in poverty and how working for the church has kept me there.

I sang my response in a musical autobiography with the music of Sir Arthur Sullivan.

Some of you might know the delightful patter song “When I was a lad I served a term as office boy to an attorney’s firm” in Gilbert and Sullivan’s HMS Pinafore.

It’s the song of Sir Joseph who is the “Ruler of the Queen’s Navee” and who has “never gone to sea.” It was ready for a parody, and I jumped at the opportunity.

In his song, Sir Joseph is assisted by a bevy of admirers who repeat the latter two couplets of his verses.

I constructed a text in the same meter as the original and coerced ten friends to be my bevy of admirers.

What follows is my sung autobiography. The italicized texts are the chorus parts.

When I was a lad I sang high Mass,       was given five dollars, which paid for gas. Sang benediction and a funeral or two;       sat at the console with nothing to do.       Sat at the console with nothing to do. How did I know that in some year       I would be named Musician of the Year? How did he know that in some year       that he would be named Musician of the Year? The thought came to me that I could make       a living out of singing with the stipends I’d take. With wedding and funerals and novenas, for sure,       no need for collections at the church’s front door.       No need for collections at the church’s front door. I took the fee without a single tear,       but still no clue for Musician of the Year. He took the fee without a single tear,       but still no clue for Musician of the Year. From the church I went to school.       Learned lots of stuff to help me break the rules. With organs and choirs and P-h-D       I made folks sing but always gleefully.       He made folks sing, but always gleefully. With lots of thanks and praise so clear,       but not one thought of Musician of the Year. With lots of thanks and praise so clear,       but not one thought of Musician of the Year. When Virgil asked if I would chair       The second convention at Chicago’s pier I had no clue what that would mean       until I saw the Chicago scene. Until he saw the Chicago scene. With talent galore and lots of cheer       they all could be named Musicians of the Year. With talent galore and lots of cheer       they all could be named Musicians of the Year. Enough about me and more about you.       I ask you to do what you love to do. Practice and pray and sing a lot       and don’t forget what you’ve been taught.       And don’t forget what you’ve been taught. Take fresh courage and have no fear       and you will named Musicians of the Year! Take fresh courage and have no fear       and you will be named Musicians of the Year! Thank you, NPM. You honor me. Drawing used courtesy of scynthius@aol.com