Wedding Ministry: Semper idem (Always the Same)

For the past few weeks I have had first hand experience of what it takes to marry off a bride and groom. The twenty-three-year-old daughter of friends is taking a spouse and has asked if I would handle the music.

"Of course," I said, "I would be happy to do the music After all, I planned and played your parent's wedding more than twenty-five years ago." Smiles abound . . . especially on mom's and dad's faces.

That request has fallen on my ears about fifty times in the past forty-plus years. The planning and performance has created some of my happiest times in music ministry.

Still then, there have been some stressful moments, such as the time I discovered that the cantor was the tone-deaf college roommate of the bride-to-be. She sounded awful.

After a few transpositions of the keys of the music and reshaping some sections of the pieces, a quasi-anthem was created resembling "The Wedding Song." All was saved and everyone was content. I was proud of the minor miracle.

Happily, this month's twenty-three-year-old bride-to-be has wonderful singing friends who sound terrific. And the bonus is that they can read music. Wonderful!

Many of you have been in the same position with your music ministry and many of you have had both cheers and jeers for the experience.

Perhaps, even some of you have witnessed the ten-month preparation period in which incredible skirmishes have been battled over who sits where at the wedding banquet. Some of you have soothed hurt feelings caused by the last argument over who escorts Gramma down the aisle.

Most of us are clueless about what it takes to dispatch a bride and groom; especially when the dispatching takes place in the context of a liturgical church and two families who want to do it "my way."

All the more reason that we practice our ministry with more patience and good will when we encounter the couple-the bride and her mother, and just where is the groom to be?-to look at the wedding scheme and how the music fits.

By the time they see us they already have had mushroom clouds of nuclear fallout over what kind of music would be used at the reception: garage band or DJ. That in itself is a potential atom bomb waiting to be detonated.

Then there is the choice of wedding cake: carrot or chocolate or vanilla? That's easily resolved: have one layer of each. No battle there.

Probably, the most difficult choice is who accompanies the bride down the aisle. (Of course, that problem is alleviated when the parents of the bride and the parents of the groom perform that task. That practice has yet to be implemented universally.)

The struggle occurs when the parents are separated. The wedding procession can re-create the anguish of the divorce, which can be relived when one of the offspring is married in a church ceremony.

Who walks down the aisle with whom?

By God's grace, the parents of this week's twenty-three-year-old bride are not divorced, still live together, and are still happy with each other. The same cannot be said about many other sets of parents. The stress levels are incredible.

So . . . when the prenuptial appointment is made to choose the music for the liturgy, remember that you don't know what wars have been won and lost.

You have no idea who is not speaking to whom. You can only minister, but with an extra high dosage of patience and compassion.

"So, Mary Beth . . . you would like the 'Trumpet Voluntary in D Major' as the processional? Terrific!. I think that was the procession I played at your parent's wedding."

You can reach Fred Moleck via email at fmoleck@earthlink.net